I am here.
Husband is here.
She is not.
They are here.
Sometimes "they" try to get me to talk about her and I'm not so sure what to say.
In fact most days I really don't want to talk about her at all.
Not when all of their faces contort and you can read their sadness.
I do not want to be sad, I want to live my life and be happy.
So I try not to bring her up too much, for fear of someone's emotional breakdown.
I can talk about her.
In some ways I do want to talk about her.
The things I say don't make them happy though.
She didn't "leave us" she died.
She didn't "pass away" she died.
She isn't an angel in Heaven, she's just simply in Heaven.
I know no one is trying to hurt me.
The by-product of all the special effort just pisses me of though.
It hurts like nothing you could imagine.
I never knew how much I was like my dad until this happened. Emotionally stable. Strong. Much more rational than I imagined I would be....
Every book, self-help guide, and internet page describes "new normals" for people after such a loss. I can't seem to find one that depicts a person reacting like myself....
Sometimes it would be easier if I could just experience the "new normal" and then everyone would stop flipping out when I'm so callous about the matter.