| Relieved of My Duties |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|02:37 pm] |
What do I want to talk about?
I spent the last two nights at my in-laws which was really nice. We visited Andrew's sister and I got to play Cooking Mama on her Wii, and I've decided, there are two things I'd really love to splurge on. A Wii and a new and good digital camera. Then we had a good few days. We watched some movies, made snow angels, and played Phase 10.
Somethings are not so snazzy though.
I lost my secretary job. Why? Hilariously enough, I was laid off. Some people are more upset than I am over it, specifically because the position was filled by a volunteer and I was not offered the volunteer position. I know that I wasn't a good secretary though, not that I had any experience before then, but I know that probably had something to do with it. So here is where I will finally rant and rave about my feelings towards my old church. The reasons, why my heart is breaking, and what I hope you all can pray for them about.
We are all failures at being perfect people. I know this and most of you know this as well, even about yourself. I know that my expectations are often too high -- just see my Chinese Zodiac (year of the Dragon) -- and I am easily let down because of it. What I am upset about though, has very little to do with just simply people letting me down. I am upset because people claiming the name of Lord have let God down. I feel it whole-heartedly, I feel my heart breaking and cracking and snapping under the pressure of the conviction that has been eating away at my soul for so long.
CB has been struggling for a while now. They were once known for their members who were rich, political, and/or simply well-known in this mediocre city. The church itself had money and to an extent because of it's members, power. They were capable of convincing people to join just like any other mega-church nowadays because they "had it", whatever it was. I don't know what the church was really like then, but I've heard quite a few times from many other people that it was similar to a high school popularity contest. The arguments were futile and just downright silly. Needless to say, it's been on a decline for years now.
It has been very interesting seeing the amazing propositions that the pastor (of almost 6-7 years now) has felt convicted to bring up to the members. The problem has been though, that the majority of members are 60+ years old. The second largest age group for the past few years has been the youth at 12-19. There is practically no middle ground and it's cost the church and I fear, the Lord.
Anyways.
The pastor came up with ideas for change, you know, to turn the church around. To inspire and unite the church and the neighborhood (which is one of the poorer neighborhoods in the city that is downtown and stricken with poverty, homeless, drugs, gangs, racism, etc.) and to bring Christ to the people, and for the Holy Spirit to work by bringing in people to Christ. There was an idea for people literally relocating to the area, instead of the richer, or more "comfortable" places that they mostly live. There have been prayer groups planned. There have been requests for people to consider really tithing.
Last year, right before my wedding, there was talk that they'd lose the massive building because of costs. Someone came in and rescued them for another year. This year, the reality was made clear that we either turned things completely around, or we have to move on from the building, or simply away from the church all-together. The past few months have been revolving around the options for the church.
In October we were given three options to possibly pursue. Leave our building and join with Church A or Church B, or we could have members from Church C (a very successful and evangelistic church who has helped many other churches and has many incredible outreach programs) come in and help build our church up with new staff, and to help the pastor who is doing many jobs that are just simply too much. Church A and B are both struggling and to this day, the option still is open for relocation with/to them -- but what do you get by combining two struggling churches? The chances for success probably don't go up, I can almost guarantee.
When it came to Church C's option, I will openly admit to having been really uneasy about it. It killed my heart to hear that my pastor wouldn't be our pastor, and that many people may temporarily be displaced in their volunteer jobs. When it came down to it though, I took what my pastor asked us to do -- which was pray and search God for the correct thing to do -- and I ran with it. I found myself delving into the Word and praying almost constantly about it. I searched my own logic, God's logic, and weighed the benefits and risks. God wants that church to change, and He wants good things to come from them in that area -- where there is so much need.
Christ stuck it out with those who were broken, weeping, poor, homeless, ill, and even hung around outcasts. What good was really going to come from leaving those people? If we couldn't do it in an incredible facility, what more were we really going to do in a mediocre facility? The change would either occur now or it wouldn't at all. When the time came to make the vote though, I was bombarded by those who craved only one thing -- CONTROL.
The issues that came up were about wanting to keep that Pastor as their Pastor, because he was so important -- Not that God was so important and that He'd called them to do such a thing. The issues that came up were about wanting to keep control of their money -- because they'd been doing such a great job with it obviously with them about to lose everything. The issues were that they wanted to be in charge -- after all, this was their church.
Three months later, our Pastor attempted to give up over $1,000 of his pay, I lost my job, and various other paid employees lost their jobs because the funding simply does not exist. What burns in me is a Holy anger, not that I lost my job, but that people have forgotten what it means to truly seek God and to follow Him anywhere -- even in the most uncomfortable conditions. What angers me is that it was so apparent that very few people had sought Him in an effort to choose what was truly right.
The pastor has set up a few options now, two of them in particular mean that he will leave, one of them sooner than later. He even brought up possibly moving into the church building, which by all means, I think would be amazing. I've always found that the building could easily sustain a few, if not, many families. So this is where they need prayer.
Please pray that:- The church body will Seek God, fully and whole-heartedly, with an open mind to His Will.
- God will move in the lives of those around the area to feel a pull towards CB, to show the member that their help is needed.
- God will watch over the Pastor as he makes choices trying to further the Kingdom.
- The Pastors family relationship will strengthen despite this being the toughest of times, with much uncertainty.
- The right decisions are made to further His Kingdom.
For myself:- I can find a second job.
- That our finances are covered, despite our desire to move in May.
- That Andrew is able to possibly find a second job that doesn't take too much out of him.
- That God will find a place for us to call Home.
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